"Was it a joke?" I asked myself... Once again, I felt that You played me out.
At the beginning, You gave me hope and I carried it with caution. Despite my fragile heart, I held on closely and sunk deeper and deeper... and just when I thought everything was within Your control and mine, You sent the rain down on me.

As the entire Zo nation weeped, I begin to wonder,

"Am I less precious in Your eyes?"
"Did You allow this to happen?"

Both questions seemed to carry positive answers without a doubt. Deep inside I know I shouldn't and cannot doubt you, but being realistically made of flesh and blood, I am but a vulnerable mortal. Perhaps I was never made to "yuan", but the way things were allowed to happen, bottling up definitely seemed a shorter road to death.

I guess it was just a wake-up call from the beautiful dream You weaved. Number One illusionist in the world... God, You got me(again).

I'm back to the old template because somehow the previous template (which I really liked) didn't work at all! Page loaded but nothing comes out. Argh, tamade. Decided to stay with this template. No more itchy backside.

I'm amazed at how I spend my money sometimes. It was supposed to be just grocery shopping and grabbing a takeaway dinner on Sunday, but it turned out a "mini" splurging session. $100 gone in a flash!

Here's what's "harvested":
Skirt- $19
Tank top- $19
Cosmetics (Assorted)- $20
Groceries- $15
Necklace- $8
Rabbit toy and food- $20

Sigh... I need a more economical avenue to vent my frustrations at work.

TADA!!!

Do not be alarmed...

Do not waver and wonder...

Do not think you are imagining things...

YES!!!

A brand new template! Wow!

Finally, my grouchy Saturday was rather well spent. It looks so much better than the previous one. Would have prefered if it could be pink too though, but I really like the sun set... Simply loved sunsets. I might have loved sun rises too, if I managed to wake up early in time to catch them, that is.

Anyways, yeah yeah, I know, I know, my tagboard and hit counter's missing (again). Well, give me more time, should be able to get it done this weekend, should I get stuck alone at home again. Choi!

I tied up my hair, switched on the heater, cleared the way between my living room and bathroom and was all set for a nice, hot and refreshing shower for Ra-ra. As I carried her in her cage to the bathroom...

"BOOM! Bbbbbooooooooooooooommmmmmm...."

Thunder roared.

Argh! Too cold for shower for Ra-ra.

Damn. I finally understood what it meant by "It never rains but pours."

It's a dumb, boring and sucky Saturday

I think this entry's self-explanatory.

Depressed again. Sigh. I hate to know that as I grow older and older, as more and more people around me got caught by Cupid's eyes (and arrows), I just felt lonelier. Damn, where do all these people get so much of life???

Argh. I am so going to turn into a grouchy old spinster again!!!

C'mon, it's a bright and sunny Saturday! Being YOUNG, ENERGETIC, SINGLE AND ENTERTAINING, I do not deserve this at all... NOT AT ALL!!! What's more, being overweight and having a big ass, I should be popular, especially with girls, RIGHT??? Since when did those moody, sensitive and indecisive women turn over a new leaf and decided to let prettier faces take away their attention? Ha. I getting crappy again. Perhaps being dumped at home with NO food accelerated the crappiness process.

I am so grouchy!

I'm dumped at home like a nobody's child, broke and hungry. (Thanks, Mum), with surrounded by friends with loads of life and time but just none reserved for me. But, wat to do? I'm FAT, UGLY and long passed the "highly-sought-after" stage (well, that stage never applied to me as a matter of fact). ARHHHHHHHHHH...... I so hate staying at home on a Saturday!

It didn't help matters that the results of having my fortune told last Saturday revealed a late late late marriage. I am so depressed. By the way, I won't be divulging details of fortune telling at all, IT'S PERSONAL. Those who were fortunate enough to be there during my fortune telling session, I don't mind a token sum of royalties if any one of my fans or extreme ba gua(s) frens buy information from you. Make sure they pay first though.

I've had enough!

Ra-ra... wanna a nice, warm shower?

I once comforted someone that whatever down times we experienced, there has to be a bottom bottom where we could ever fall and after that, things just had to somehow, someway, get better.

I tried hypnotising myself with this just 2 hours ago, and SOMEHOW, my devil overpowered my this positive outlook with, " Haven't you heard of a BOTTOMLESS PIT?"

I just cannot convince myself that things are going to get better. I CANNOT, I CANNOT, CANNOT! (It's strange that when I typed the word "CANNOT" for the 3rd time, I saw "CARROT". Ha. Damn, I can't believe I'm crapping this in the midst of such melancholic times.)

I'm conceding defeat.

Things aren't gonna get better. They just get worse by the day.

I need my favourite strawberry shortcake from Baker's Inn to keep my pulse going. I'll marry the first eligible man who buys me this.

BEYOND THE STORY LIVE 2005

Totally ROCK-Y!!!

Great songs, great ambience, great fans. (A bit hot though, could have been perfect with better ventilation and airconditioning.)

Half the time I couldn't sing along, 90% of the time I didn't understand what they were saying, all because, my Cantonese sucked. Nevertheless, I totally enjoyed myself. It's been a long time since I've been to concerts, let alone "rock-y" ones like this. Great release from shitty reporting life.

One of the most enjoyable moments was the playback of their musical journey since 1983. It brought back many memories. I vividly remembered the scene on TV when the lead singer died from an accident for a show in Japan, where fans went totally hysterical and cried like it was their father who died. *shakes head*

Oh oh oh! Halfway through the concert, I made an interesting discovery!



I thought Paul and Chen Xiao Chun looked like each other! Ha. (Don't ask me who the person on the extreme left is, I have no idea.)

Anyway, my favourite of all- Wing. I have the thing for talented men. Musically inclined men, as a matter of fact. (Well, that dinosaur was a missed arrow from Cupid. Kekeke.)They totally blow me off. Perhaps in them, I saw what I didn't have and could never be. Shucks! Did I just cause a downfall in the music industry and musical schools because all men wanted out? Muahahaha.

Alamak! Cannot Procrastinate Anymore!

Wah piang, imagine I had wanted to blog this entry out like, 3 days ago? Alamak. I have to get it out, before everything's gone again...

Had a fruitful (or rather, hectic) Saturday.

Went for a makeover with Bobbi BrXXXn (wah seh, nowadays, better be careful of what I write, sicali kena sued ah.) at Raffles City in the afternoon. Wow. The last time I had a makeover was like, em, 5 years ago? Turned out to be totally disasterous (I mean, the one 5 years ago). I was everything but glam, pretty and sophisticated. I practically looked like I was reporting for work at Watermelon KTV lounge that night. *Loser*

Shucks,. I digressed.

Back to Bobbi Brown makeover. Appointment was made for 1pm. A crowd had sort of gathered around that time, even though only appointments were accepted.

Was directed to a counter to have my make up done, but after a hell of a lifetime of 10 mins, someone finally noticed the dumbo fumbo me was unattended to. Was told to wait for another 5 mins more coz the artist at the counter next door was rounding up with another customer already. K. Fine. 5 mins. Being the nice gal I am, no problem at all.

5 mins turned to 10 and then 15!!! Boiling sia. How to stay nice having waited for a bloody 30mins for a make-up artist??? Cuse me, I booked an appointment for 1pm okie! WAKE UP THEIR IDEA! What's the point of making us make appointments when they can't keep to it???

Anyway, finally they decided to get me outta the hamster cage (seriously, I felt like one, being stared at sitting in the middle of Raffles City waiting for NOTHING.) to do my hair first. Hair was nothing but nice because throughout the entire session, I was sweating like a pig! I curse whoever designed Raffles City, for whoever that person is, he/she has to be totally brainless! Make the roof all GLASS. Wah piang, I almost got heatstroke. Thanks to this brainless asshole.

Finally, hair done. Move on to make-up.

Showed to counter and was told that my artist would come in 5 mins. 5mins, PUI ah!

I waited like a fool for whatever seemed like eternity.

Anyway, finally got my makeup done and had my photo shoot.

Here's what I walked out of the makeover with:

1. An award-winning picture for "MRS WATERMELON FACE OF THE YEAR",
2. "Imagines-one-to-be-hamster-once-put-on-high-chair" Syndrome,
3. 500 zillion healthly cells killed by ultra string UV rays and
4. $150 poorer.

Tsk.

Top Chart: Stairway to Heaven

I've never liked Korean dramas.

1. Too draggy, worse than Qiong2 Yao2.
2. Guys no handsome, gals no pretty. I prefer Japanese honestly.
3. I'm not into romantic stories at all. So boring! And it never happens in real life anyway.

The point is, given a choice, I would choose Vasantham over Korean dramas. But, recently, (perhaps with being deprived of love for too long), I so fell in love with this K drama on Channel U- Stairway to Heaven.

It depicts the old Lao3 Diao4 Ya2 story of how a rich and nice gal suffered in the hands of fate and her evil step mother and sister. As anyone would have predicted, a rich man's son, tall, dark and handsome, falls head over heels in love with this ill-fated female lead. Then, it's drama, drama and more drama. And then, we have tears, tears and more tears.

I've not reached to the end of the story yet, perhaps not even halfway through. But my prediction is, either the tall, dark and handsome male lead or the innocent-looking, frail and sweet-natured female lead contacts cancer and is dying... really soon. Hahaha.. or one of them will die one lah. Or get into a coma or whatever. Something bad sure happen one. K dramas are forever like dat, wait till the last last min of the last last episode then will have nice nice and complete complete (sometimes not complete even) ending. Sure got go Heaven (meaning die) one lah! I bet my fat ass on it. If not name the show "Stairway to Heaven" for nothing meh?

Well, it's draggy... but given the fact that my lousy work schedule only allows me to catch it once a week, pace is just nice sia. I don't feel I'm missing out on any developement at all. Heh.

Male lead is not tall, not dark and not handsome... arghhh... but because I didn't have any high expectations initially, no disappointment at all. Female lead, em... what female lead? Heh heh.

Predictable plot leading to NO excitement? Nah... betting with my Mummy on who's prediction is more accurate is far more nerve wrecking than watching Korea play in World Cup sia.

My Shelter and Cave...

Here I am again, seeking shelter through vigorous typing and emotional release in streams of lines of "yuan-ing", or rather, blogging.

Argh. This is so bloody sad. Seeking comfort from a blog? Am I crazy or what? Damn. I am beginning to suspect blogging just makes me more and more yuan, less and less happy.

Oh God, if you could grant me just one wish, I wish for a time machine to go back in time to make all wrong decisions right...

I'm taking leave this Friday to think things through. Seriously.

Luck's Smiling on Me (Finally!!!)

Lady luck? Nah. Men luck? (Is there such a term anyway?) I wish!

I strike Toto leh! HALF A MILLION sia! HALF A BLOODY MILLION... Right at this point, a lousy thought came to my mind. If hor, I mean, IF, you ever strike half a million and it's really bloody, as in literally BLOODY, will you still want the money not ah? Hmmm... k, never mind, forget that I ever asked this question.

Yeah yeah! Back to Toto. Woohoo~ Half a million, cool sia.

So happy!

K. What's next? First, I'm tendering my resignation tmr. Den... Oh! Slimming treatments and more slimming treatments! Aiyah, might as well get my face fixed. I'm going for a nose job, cheek implants and LIPO, definitely LIPO! Goodbye to thunder thighs! Yayayayay...

Alright. Time to wake up. Enough nonsense.

By the way, I had intended to write a damn dramatic story about how I won a free buffet dinner at Joaquim on Sat. But all that nonsense above depleted my brain cells for today. Ta Nai Nai De...

Perhaps I should really change my blog name to "Yuanster".

I seem to only feel desperate to blog whenever something depressing happens. Very seldom (or never actually) have I blogged about happy things, really HAPPY events. Hey, come to think of it, I've never felt genuinely happy for a long long time.

I hate to say this, and it's kinda sad that I'm saying this, I don't have a life! Everyday is a race against time, overcoming obstacles and hypnotising myself that the world still remains beautiful despite having nasty and ugly people around. At the end of the day, I feel so bloody exhausted, and just wanna drop into slumberland...

Routine, routine, routine...

Day after day it happens, night after night I struggle with nightmares because of mental stress...

Is this what I really want, after all?

Much as I know something is seriously wrong, I could never stop to take a breather and re-adjust accordingly. Deadlines become tighter, days become shorter, nights become longer... Sad sia.

Okie. It's time to sleep.

Wow, it's been so long!!!

Heya, I'm back into blogging action!

I guess it would have taken a much longer time before I took the courage to get my fingers going again, if not for the national day rally telecast. I woke up from my nap, wanting to catch something on tv through dinner before getting down to working on my report and...

Channel 8==> National Day Rally telecast,

(yawns)

Channel U==> National Day Rally telecast,

(damn)

Channel 5==> National Day Rally telecast...

(losing my patience and appetite)

Suria==> NATIONAL DAY RALLY TELECAST!!!

Vasantham Central==> NATONAL DAY RALLY TELECAST!!!

What the heck???

National Day's like 2 weeks ago rite? Now then telecast Rally? And what's with telecasting it ALL AT THE SAME TIME in ALL CHANNELS?

When Enough is Enough

I was trying to find khakis to hang out with on Saturday because it just felt so wasted couching at home like a potato. Besides, it was one of the rare weekends where I didn't have to clear any work during the weekend. I sms-ed several frens, of which one of them happened to be Bugger. She was facing some work problems and told me that she didn't really wanted to come out, for she was afraid dat she might just break down and lose control (as usual). After an hour or so of listening to her work woes, she decided that perhaps, she doesn't really mind meeting me. After all, we could meet at the central near my hse. Alright. Location fixed.

When asked wat time she could make it, she told me that she had a facial appointment at 4pm, so most probably she would meet me ard 6pm. Dat sounded good and because it was quite some time before 6pm, I figured out that perhaps I could leave my hse earlier and shop ard for a while before our stipulated meeting time at 6pm.

At 3.15pm, I was still with her on the phone. Still at her work woes. Well, typical characteristic of Venusians, we talk and talk about the same problem over and over again. I prompted her that perhaps we should talk later and that she should go get ready for her facial appointment. Well, she "yah-yah-ly" told me that the shop was just downstairs her block and she still had time. We talked till 3.30pm.

At 5.15pm, I was all ready to leave my hse. Wanting to take the chance that she might finish her facial earlier and could meet me earlier, I sms-ed her to tell her to let me know when she was ready and was on the bus.

No reply.

K. Perhaps she was in the middle of a facial.

At 6pm (we were supposed to meet at 6, remember?), I called her on her handphone. No ans. I called for about 5 times and there was no ans.

K. Perhaps she was on the bus and couldn't hear her phone ringing. Never mind, she would be able to see the missed calls when she attempts to call me when she reached.

I waited and waited. It was 6.40pm and there was no reply, no call and no news at all.

Now, I'm getting pissed. 40 mins passed and as usual, no decency to even call to say she's late.

I decided that without her, my world doesn't have to stop revolving. I didn't have to shelve my plans for an IRRESPONSIBLE, UNREASONABLE, UNCARING, INSENSITIVE and RUDE piece of being like her.

Anger in me couldn't be appeased though. And poor Weiling had to be bombarded with my yuan-ing:

"I'm damn pissed off with your fren. Supposed to meet her at 6pm and till now she hasn't called me yet. I've really had enough of her nonsense and there is no way I'm going to take this kinda shit from her anymore. "

"I'm not meeting her anymore and now am on my way to do watever I had to do and to buy watever I had to buy. My world doesn't stop revolving because of her. "

"You dun have to reply me. Know u r bz. Just so angry and upset with her that I need to get it out of my chest."

Basically I was storming my way to central. Looking back, I might have looked like Nie Yun in Wind & Cloud (Feng1 Yun2). Killing all who crossed my path with my stares. Hahaha.

My anger reached this month's high when my handphone rang at 7.20pm and it showed, " Cxxxx's hse calling". As I guessed. She was late and still at home. Wanted to ignore her calls but my inner voice was tempting me to pick it up and settle it, once and for all.

Me: Hello.

Cxxxx: Hey, I'm still at home, dunno my facial will take so long.. eh I

Me (not giving her a chance to produce any more non-sensical excuses): I tink it's okie, u dun have to come meet me anymore. K. Bye.

I hung up the phone. Frankly speaking, I never liked the idea of hanging up on someone because it's totally rude. I've done this like only twice on my life time? The only other time was on her too. She didn't show up for an appointment and didn't reply my pages.

I was obviously infuriated.

It was her legendary "consistent-bugging-calls" after dat. I tink I had like, em, 20 missed calls in 10 mins? Do I care? I DO NOT! Not anymore.

I declared war and I'm not going to concede defeat simply because,

I had enough.


Note: Dun try to judge me like I'm some kind of unreasonable piece of shit because I didn't even bother to hear her out. EXTREME late-ness experiences with her beats my buffet records without a feat.

Red Candy vs Fantastic Four

Oh, here comes the inspiration to write...

I was so deprived of movies that I caught TWO on Saturday! Oh... nice sia...I missed going to cinemas for a movie. My last one was, em.. shucks. It was so bloody long ago dat I can't remember wat was my last moive. Wat lingered on was, I wanted SO MUCH to catch Madagascar but everyone just seemed uninterested or had already watched it. Well, bugger fren showed availability, but I wasn't prepared for another "waste-of-time-nonsense-coz-of-irresponsible-lateness" nonsense.

Back to the movies.

First one was Red Candy, a lousy Japanese horror movie. It was EXACTLY like The Ring, just that this time, instead of a chain video where one would get killed after watching it, it was phone calls. This film had the same series of murder, same sweet gal who kena and had only 3 days to live, same kaypoh reporter who wanted to investigate the case even though it was none of her biz, same spooky gal who was buried alive (just dat this time, it was a coal mine instead of a well.). To reassure me that this sucky film was just the recairnation of The Ring, the sweet young gal under the curse and kaypoh reporter had to venture into the coal mine to dig out the body. Then there was the usual sound effects, where skeletions popped out of nowhere. Just to sum it up, if you watched The Ring, you could give this a miss, even if you watched The Ring and enjoyed it, you can give this a miss too. Bad movie with bad company. Oops, not referring to my fren who good-naturely accompanied me to the show but the wretch who ignitated the fire in me with her "woo, woo, woo, ek, ek, ek..." and finally "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! so scary!!!!!!!" Thanks for scaring the hell outta me. I almost peed in my jeans. Tamade.

Fantastic Four was much much better. Not exactly hilarious, but entertaining enough. Not to mention having Mr. Cute Guy (Human Torch) adding value to the show. Woohoo~ I dunno y, but for angmohs, pretty boys top my list! Supposedly charismatic old men like Bruce Willis, George Clooney & Pierce Brosnan are not my cup of tea, sorrayyyy... It could have been better if other movie patrons were nice and considerate enough not to put their entire feet on the seat in front of them (which was my row). It was "salty-fish" smell all the way sia. Yucks!

Overall, movie desire satisfied.


*Oh, by the way, in case u guys were wondering, dat lousy show was called Red Candy because all victims who died had a red candy in their mouth. Dun ask me y, either the show didn't explain or I didn't get it.

Blogging during Leisure? If only...

And I thot blogging was my hobby. And one would always make time for one's hobbies. Well, I made time for carbo indulgence, sleep and tv, didn't I?

I have SOOOooooooo much to say, SOOOoooo much to vent, yet, all is appeased by the time I get my fat fingers on a working PC with network. Arghhhhhh....

I was all ready to blog it out (so pro sia... like how pple used to say "work/sweat it out") over the weekend. I had the setting all worked out- air-con, cosy cushions, dim lighting etc. As I proceeded to powering on Xavier...

Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

My entire screen stared back at me, in BRIGHT yellow! WATEVER HAPPENED??? Eveything else functioned normally but, MY SCREEN WAS YELLOW!!! YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW!!! How to blog like dat. Tamade.Spoil my mood.

Giving it up seems like the only option, unless I wanna risk getting blind. C'mon, I'm already fat okie? Never in the world would I allow blindness to depreciate my value further.

I thought I could let it go, but....... BUT...... I CAN'T!!! Bottling up my feelings would make me autistic and cause even severe depression.

So, here I am, stealing time from work, in the midst of a conference call, to relieve the overwhemling desire to blog.

Okie, a quick one before I get back to serious doggy life.

Ahem...

Eh, wat did I wanna blog initially ah?

I'm feeling kinda melancholic these days.

Could do with some love. Em, well, LOTS of love. First it was the dejecting birthday happenings, then it was the demoralising work, deteriorating health and receipts of bad news happening to loved ones. Each time I comfort myself that tomorrow would be better, I watched the setting sun with disappointment. Tried to seek comfort by confiding in frens only to find that they themselves were bogged down with a lot of other problems. Times like this triggered a sense of emptiness somewhere deep inside.

Many a times I stop to think, "Perhaps all these were to make me a better person." But then again, it only meant that I must have been a person of extreme lousy character to have to go thru all these. No, No, NOOOOOO!!!! It can't be! I'm a nice gal. I'm SUPPOSED to be a nice gal.

Each day was complemented with loud sighs, countless moments of exasperation, occassional deep frowns and fake smiles. I suspect a case of depression. Anxiety(checked), insomnia(checked), loss of concentration(checked) and hallucinations(checked)... Shucks.

Either I quit my job or I need a shrink.

I specially took leave today to make up for the loss yesterday. I had a premonition that yesterday would turn out to be sucky. Ha, and I was right.

Today was training for "tai tai" day. Slept till 10.40pm, went for my facial appt at noon, after dat was leisure shopping followed by high tea and then there was more shopping, then dinner and then it was rest and relax at cosy home. Only one word- SHIOK!

I really needed this break.

Only one thing to spoil it all, the day ended too fast! Argh! The mere thought of going back to the office in 8 hours time makes me suicidal. Aiyah, aiyah, AIYAHHHHHHH.....

Where is my golden turtle?

I dunno how to start this entry. Wanted to blog about well-spent today was until I was reminded of how badly spent yesterday was.

It came and went. Just like dat. Yeah, I was kinda disappointed. The only thing I could remember about yesterday was just emptiness. SMSes from frens did warmed my heart, especially after I got a dressing down from my boss early in the morning. But I do wish I had a little more of dat to last me thru the cold and lonely night. If I could just have some surprises to tide me over... I can't believe I was still looking forward to a surprise celebration when I left the office at 10.30pm. Like how it always happened in TV drams, frens, family or admirer popping up with a birthday cake lighted with candles etc. Ha. Silly me.

On this special day, there were no special moments.

I'm such a loser.

Dun worry, I'm fine, as I always will be.